Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
