You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
