is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize