Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
