Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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