Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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