I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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