I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
