i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
