New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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