i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
