totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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