I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
