Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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