I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
