TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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