dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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