My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think people are normalizing furries
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
