am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
