your thong is hanging out like whoa
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
