I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
