There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
