u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
