I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
