I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
