..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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