Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
