I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
