The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
