You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
