I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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