On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it hurts more in the daytime
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
