i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
