we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
