well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
