May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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