Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
