yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize