There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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