Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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