So drunk its hurt
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want to be your penis for a week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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