i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
