I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
