Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
