I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
