you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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