she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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