I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
