i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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