Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
