Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
