he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
