I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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