I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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