I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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