I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
