tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I smell stomach acid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
