Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
