we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
