You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
