I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What a dumb baby whore.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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