you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
