He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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