My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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