I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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