Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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