Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
