I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
