This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
