its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
