I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
