Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Small penises have feelings too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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