They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
